Vipassana - Simon's Journey

Simon signing in;

Vipassana, an internationally renowned meditation technique with centres all around the world.

I read about it in a couple of books and both seem to praise what it achieved and as we were in India, where else but India to take part in one of its 10 day programs.

Vipassana started 2,500 years ago and it is based on the Dhamma teachings of Buddha, or something along those lines. Its Guruji, Sri Satya Narayan Goenka is the ‘main man’ of Vipassana though each center has its own teachers, both male and female.

Rein and I were a little skeptical about going for a 10 day program but thought, what the hey, it will not kill us. We too knew a couple of people who had done it (two had even done it more than once!) and had said it would be okay and we would appreciate the experience.

Rein and arrived at the campus on Day 0 when we registered ourselves in and handed over our valuables, including mobiles etc. This meant we would definitely be without outside contact for our duration. The registrars there knew we were together and decided to put us in a cell together ‘just in case’ we did communicate, we would do it with least disruption to others.

Slowly during the day, people arrived and the time drew closer that we would have to commence our Noble Silence. We were all sat down and instructed on what was to happen and what to expect. As from 8pm, Noble Silence started. Rein and I broke it after five minutes due to habit and we were soon told to hush up.

We had been installed into male dormitories for the 10 days. Rein and I had our own ‘berth’ (for want of a better word), which had crap curtains to give some privacy. Each dorm had 16 people.

That first night was the first time we were introduced to the bell or ‘gong’. That sound would from now on haunt me to my grave. We all assembled into the Dhamma Hall for our first introduction by the teachers and our Guruji.

Men and women were to be separated throughout the entire 10 days, and in the hall they simply sat on one side, men on the other.

Our teacher started with introductions and then, pushed ‘play’ on his tape recorder. Yes, TAPE RECORDER. This perhaps is the first sign of something not quite right.

From the tape deck came this subtle sound of someone extracting something from his or her throat after having eaten something extremely unhealthy. I listened intently wanting to know what was about to come, then this sound got louder and more pronounced and suddenly a tune (?!) was heard from the sounds. Welcome Guruji and his chanting. To the naked ear, it was the sound of a frog, a dying man, an opera singer clearing his throat, but to someone who has been to Vipassana or who can understand Sanskrit (an ancient Indian language like Latin), it was Guruji chanting his sweet nothings, his words of Buddha.

This strange sound continued for sometime and I just could not work out what we were supposed to be listening to! Who was he, what did he want!? The painful noise ceased and the teacher again welcomed us and bid us a pleasant night sleep. It was 9.30pm.

4am – The gong rings, we get up. We get up relatively easily! I’m impressed, thought it would have been harder. Rein too had risen as had the entire dorm. The first 30 mins was the chance to freshen before heading to the Hall. 4.30am, gong sounds again. Now we must be in the Hall and seated. Hmm I thought, what was next to come. This was the first day and I was excited to start. We sat there, for ONE HOUR, supposedly meditating. No teacher, just students. One hour later, in waltz the teachers and take their positions on their thrones. They too sit there and meditate. This became boring after a while and I wanted to know what was going to happen. I waited patiently when suddenly, the return of the noise, the sound of hell knocking, wanting to gain access. It was Guruji bidding us his good morning. This charade lasted two hours. I was exhausted and slightly skeptical. The gong sounded. Breakfast.

The men all gathered in their food hall to be given a delicious warm breakfast. A new sense of excitement came to me. This is not too bad!

After breakfast we had an hour rest before the gong. Again the gong.

We AGAIN come into the Hall and are seated. The teachers come in. They again take their seats and again, the call for something scary sounded. Following this, the teachers started calling people to join them at the front, to discuss something, or so I could work out.  If your name was not called out, you were just expected to sit there and; meditate? No one had told us!

Gong, gong, gong, gong. Lunch. Yum. I was not disappointed. Lunch turned out to be the biggest meal of the day and we soon learned to eat up big then, as dinner was a little disappointing.

This first day was beginning to get a little boring and wondered when it would start to get at least a little interesting!

By the first evening, after dinner, we again meditated and then out rolled a large ugly 1990’s television. The magic push of the play button finally introduced us to Guruji, our GURU!

My first impressions were pure shock and laughter at the two people sitting there looking back at you. And Indian couple, sitting on cushions surrounded by bad lighting. Guruji started talking. He sounded pleasant. He welcomed us to our first complete day. There was laughter. No one in the room had moved a mouth muscle. Where did this laughter come from? The VIDEO! Who recorded this! They should be ashamed of themselves.  This was the beginning of things to come on.

Guruji talked for over and hour. He was a pleasant man who spoke of what Vipassana was about and his messages were nice to hear and easy to understand. At the end, we got to finally witness where the throat noises came from. Guruji was responsible for this sound.

Everyone slowly retired to his or her room and all was calm within 20 mins. I guess everyone knew what was to come the next day. It all begins!

4AM – Gong, gong, gong, gong. Yes, let us get started.

9.30PM – Strangely, that day seemed to be the same as the last. I would soon gather that this routine, THIS ROUTINE, was to become the norm of our stay here.

As the first days rolled on, I just questioned why, why did I do this?? Why had I registered!? I could not find the answer.  Those first days too, we were introduced to the ‘police’ of Vipassana. The men in charge of ensuring we students stayed in line, did as instructed, did not talk, communicate, sleep when not permitted. These men were everywhere, at all times. There were only two, yet they were there, EVERYWHERE! These two men and the gong I would learn to despise. These two things would be the things, which would always restrict me from doing ‘what I want as in individual’.

The days went on. Every night, Guriji would give his speech and would count down for you the number of days left until this nightmare would end. The days went on and on and on. They dragged like you would never know. We sat in the room to meditate for 10 hour per day. TEN HOURS!

Everyday the Guru and the teacher would introduce a new advanced technique to meditate. I tried. I found it hard to do the instructions. I would get uncomfortable after only 10 minutes and have to move. My mind would wonder after only five minutes. Everyone around me seemed to just sit there like Buddha and meditate!

After a couple of days I got my ‘interview’ with the teacher. He asked how it was going. I explained that there was pain in my legs and a sharp stabbing pain in my back, which was still stopping me from focusing on the technique; therefore I could not close my eyes, etc. He smiled and said something along the lines of my ‘sankaras’ or ‘reactions’ were so many that they were preventing me from meditating and that I would just have to keep working on releasing the sankaras. Hmm, I thought. But the pain, as I had asked, what do I do about that. He smiled, my time had finished.

Throughout the coming days I tried to analyse what he said. The stabbing in my back kept my mind so busy that I could not think clearly. I ended up just sitting there waiting for the next mealtime.

The following day: Why did I do this? I need a warm shower. I want to tell Rein about how unhappy I am.  I want to tell the man next to me his date on his watch is wrong. How long have I been sitting here. I was slowly going mad.

The following day: I had to leave this place. I had not meditated past 8 minutes! Each day had passed and each had been the same. This is stupid. Who are these people, what really is Vipassana. I started to distrust and dislike everyone around me. Day five was now going to be the day I was going to leave. I did not. I stayed. I thought, one more day, perhaps tomorrow, being the half way mark would be different.

The following day: I was too bored to even cry. I still had not meditated successfully. I could not talk, I hated this place. I HAD TO LEAVE! I approached Rein and spoke to him (for the first time) and told him I was leaving. He too was over it but I obviously rocked his boat as he was not going to leave, but after five minutes, he too was happy to leave. I spoke to Guruji. Guruji told me it was normal that I had not meditated and that the ‘true path of enlightenment meant the suffering of pain and yes, a little boredom’. I was staying. I regretted this chance to get out which failed.

The following day: This food sucks big time. I want chocolate.

The following day: The thought of getting out of bed was excruciating. I pretended to not be in bed when the police came around. They inspect and check all have vacated and gone to their 10 hour duty. In my case, misery. This was the last day and it truly was the hardest of them all. Rein and I were both shattered and wanted to be with each other. To talk, to touch to be one. The video on day 9 advised you that the course actually finished on day 11. What the!? Not for us. Rein and again communicated and decided Day 10 was Day 10. We had done our side, we had had enough.

Finally Day Ten arrived. I was so happy. We were released from this place finally. Well, after the approval of the teacher. Surely they cannot keep you prisoner? We talked to ‘teach’ and Rein started by advising the teacher that ‘as of 10.30am (after we got our valuables back) Simon and I would be leaving the course’. I normally would cringe when Rein talks to someone like this, but this time he was my hero. Instead of asking, he told teacher that we had had enough. I kept my mouth shut and let Rein continue. Teacher suggested we at least watch the two last videos before we leave so as to have ourselves registered as having completed the course. We agreed. We were about to be released.

These two last ‘tapes’ we were asked to listen to seemed to last as long as the course itself. Unbelievable. They mainly focused on how best to make use of the Ten days after you leave and how by meditating every day (one hour in the morning, one in the afternoon), that the next time you come (which is highly recommended) it will enable you to get more out of it.  The tape stopped. We were allowed to leave.

Rein and I had our taxi waiting and after our quick pack and last check, we were into that car and saying adios to Vipassana.

Now, this is the time when I should be thinking retrospectively on what an incredible experience it was but this entry will come later as I just cannot see it yet as positive.

Okay, I understand and believe in some of the teachings mentioned, as they are some basic beliefs on compassion for others, not lying, killing, etc etc, but I still cannot budge from thinking the whole Ten days was a waste of my time.

I did learn that I can have patience and that I will probably never complain about the wait for the next tram or bus. I believe I beat my inner issue of starting something and not finishing it (yes, we left 12 hour before the rest, but the teacher has stated that we are old students, we ‘passed’).

It too was a chance for Rein and I to have a break from being with each other 24/7 since the beginning of the year. I hated not being able to talk to him, yet I would love to watch him walk about the grounds doing his stretches, walks through the bush, seeing the Vipassana assistants running after him after he was doing something against the rules. I also used to love watching his feet under the cloth what separated us. Rein has not the most beautiful feet, but I used to love watching them, being close to him. I love those feet. J

I thank any of you who actually make it this far and apologise for the length, but it was Ten straight days, and you heard the experience.

Now, we prepare ourselves for our trip to Australia, where our next adventure begins.